Days go by, beautiful ones… all days are really. A day is what you make it and in it there are myriads of things going on, which reaches us pleasantly and not so pleasantly. How we deal with it fashions how good or how bad our day metes out.
One of those myriads is death and as world religions go, each has customs that vary with their rites, however universal similarities may exist. In the meantime, it comes in many forms, expected and unexpected: old age; accident; suicide; murder; illness.
My dad was a supercentenarian, over 110, and when he died I couldn’t believe it. Although it seemed expected for the last 10 years or so it was a sad event – I stated to my husband, “I’m so used to him living, that I can’t imagine him not”. Even when a death is expected the impact of the loss still resonates an emptiness and sadness. I can’t put my hand over his and admire that the existence of a master saddler and think of all the horse saddles and collars made with these hands. I can’t sit with him after breakfast and look at him as he relays precious stories about his life. But his legacy of work, family, generous heart and spiritual soul makes me happy and that pushes me to the other side of my sadness.
The effects can be traumatic, especially when you have spent a great deal of time with that individual or lived with a closeness that bind your relationship to an elevated.
According to Focus on the Family:
Is there anything you can do to take a proactive approach to mourning? The answer is yes – but be gentle and patient with yourself and the process. It’s generally agreed that while grief is never “fully done” there are some essential aspects of growing and becoming well again after difficult losses. You’ll need to slowly pace yourself and reach out for safe and helpful relationships. It’s a time to be near your most trusted personal supports and perhaps even meet regularly with a pastor or counselor. The non-judgmental presence of another caring human being can help tremendously as you face the following four essentials in your journey.
- Accept the reality of the death and talk about the person and circumstances on how they died.
- Experience the pain of grief, let yourself grieve – provides genuine relief. Don’t bottle up the emotions or reject feelings, but move with and through it with tears or some form of expression.
- Adjust to a new environment – one without your loved one.
Assume responsibilities and social roles formerly fulfilled by your deceased loved one. Avoid loneliness, consider new activities that give you comfort. - Invest in healthy and life-giving relationships.
Have connections with people who share your values and interests is important. Many people feel disloyal or unfaithful if they find enjoyment in social life or form new attachments. Remember that the goal is not to forget your loved one; it is to reach the point where you can remember and honor without being halted in your own living. New friendships often allow you to progress as a person with a hope and future.
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Have a healing and healthy outlook after a death.
Buddhists believe death is a natural part of the life cycle. They believe that death simply leads to rebirth. This belief in reincarnation – that a person’s spirit remains close by and seeks out a new body and new life – is a comforting and important principle. For Buddhists death is not the end of life, so it is not something to be feared, but a happiness to grasp. All is not gone, all is well.
In a like way we can accept, experience, adjust and invest then bring back the happy as we don’t die too, but live on and to do so in great mind and spirit is to find our happy again.